Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson

 

Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson  2022

Everyone in my family has killed someone. Some of us, the high achievers, have killed more than once. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it is the truth. Some of us are good, others are bad, and some just unfortunate.

I'm Ernest Cunningham. Call me Ern or Ernie. I wish I'd killed whoever decided our family reunion should be at a ski resort, but it's a little more complicated than that.

Have I killed someone? Yes. I have.

Who was it?

Let's get started.

EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY HAS KILLED SOMEONE

My brother

My stepsister

My wife

My father

My mother

My sister-in-law

My uncle

My stepfather

My aunt

Me

I would recommend this book.

I chuckled aloud several times while reading this which is odd to say about a murder mystery, but the author is an Australian comedian, so that makes sense.

The narrator/protagonist Ernest Cunningham is a writer of how-to books for mystery writers, so he stops the story to explain to the reader the things he will do and not do/write or not write in the book. Some may find this annoying, but I think it’s part of the charm.  He comes through on all his promises and delivers the twist at the end. I wish I were one of those people who can finish a book in two days so that I could remember all the mundane details that end up as clues. 

The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare

The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare, 389 p.

"Since his return from war, the Duke of Ashbury’s to-do list has been short and anything but sweet: brooding, glowering, menacing London ne’er-do-wells by night. Now there’s a new item on the list. He needs an heir—which means he needs a wife. When Emma Gladstone, a vicar’s daughter turned seamstress, appears in his library wearing a wedding gown, he decides on the spot that she’ll do.

His terms are simple: They will be husband and wife by night only. No lights, no kissing. No questions about his battle scars. Last, and most importantly… Once she’s pregnant with his heir, they need never share a bed again.

But Emma is no pushover. She has a few rules of her own: They will have dinner together every evening. With conversation. And unlimited teasing. Last, and most importantly… Once she’s seen the man beneath the scars, he can’t stop her from falling in love…"--Goodreads blurb

Just coming off of two very emotional books, I wanted something light and fun, and this certainly fit the bill. A very quick read, with lots of humor and not too much drama like in some romances. I'll put Dare on my authors to pick up when I need a quick, fun read.

 

Book Lovers by Emily Henry

Book Lovers by Emily Henry

377 pages

★★★★★

This romance novel by popular author Emily Henry pokes fun at its own genre by making the characters work in publishing and self-aware of all the common romance tropes. Nora Stephens is a literary agent who lives in the Big Apple and is your stereotypical New York business woman, and Charlie Lastra is a big-shot editor who is your stereotypical cold businessman. When Nora’s sister, Libby, drags them to small town Sunshine Falls for a month-long getaway and to push Nora to have a small-town romance like in the books, Nora wants to do nothing but work and go home. That is, until she runs into Charlie working at the local bookstore. 

As someone who doesn’t normally read or enjoy romance, I was surprised how much I loved this book but it hit all the right marks by making it funny, about books, and not too cheesy.

Sisters by Raina Telgemeier

Sisters by Raina Telgemeier, 197 pages

Sisters is Raina's follow-up to the book Smile.  I must say I enjoyed this book more than her first one.  Raina writes from her own experiences.  In this book, Raina and her family are traveling to Colorado to visit their cousins. Anyone who has a sibling will find this book quite humorous.  Especially, if you have been stuck in a car with a sibling for any amount of time.

Smile by Raina Telgemeier

Smile by Raina Telgemeier, 213 pages

I see this book check out so much, I wanted to give it a read. Smile is a very funny book that follows Raina from middle school to high school and her adventures with her braces.  The book starts out with Raina running from a car and falling. Raina loses her two front teeth and goes through many awkward moments to recover her smile.  This would be a perfect book for any preteen who has to wear braces and wonders if their mouths will ever be normal again.

Saving Face: How To Lie, Fake And Maneuver Your Way Out of Life's Most Akward Situations by Andy Robin and Gregg Kavet

Saving Face: How To Lie, Fake, And Maneuver Your Way Out of Life's Most Awkward Situations by Andy Robin and Gregg Kavet, 176 pages

This is a very humorous book on how to get out of some of life's most awkward moments. It actually contains some helpful tips on how to escape these moments.  For instance, what do you do if you are at a dinner party and don't like the food?  And, what do you do if you are out in public and need to find a public restroom?  But, my favorite was what to do if you arrive to a party without a gift?  The author suggests just tagging along to someone else's gift.  Saving Face is a funny and quick read with lots of helpful tips.  And, don't miss the part about clogging someone else's toilet.

Redneck Dictionary II by Jeff Foxworthy

Redneck Dictionary II by Jeff Foxworthy, 151 pages

Some people may still remember Jeff Foxworthy and his Redneck humor. This was the first book I have read by him and I could not help laughing out loud.  Written in 2006, this Redneck Dictionary is still quite funny.  I recommend reading the definitions out loud to get the full effect.  Some Examples: "Populate-I been waitin' for over an hour."  "Sideburns-Leave it on the grill until that sideburns."  And my favorite, "Sioux Falls-Sue drinks, Sioux Falls."

Dream A Little Dream by Kerstin Gier

Dream a Little Dream by Kerstin Gier  322 pages

Mysterious doors with lizard-head knobs. Talking stone statues. A crazy girl with a hatchet. Yes, Liv's dreams have been pretty weird lately. Especially the one where she's in a graveyard at night, watching four boys conduct dark magic rituals.
The strangest part is that Liv recognizes the boys in her dream. They're classmates from her new school in London, the school where she's starting over because her mom has moved them to a new country (again). But what's really scaring Liv is that the dream boys seem to know things about her in real life, things they couldn't possibly know - unless they actually are in her dreams? Luckily, Liv never could resist a good mystery, and all four of those boys are pretty cute....

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops by Jen Campbell

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops by Jen Campbell -- 128 pages

Similar to "I Work at a Public Library" this is a collection of the crazy happenings that go on inside bookshops.

I Work at a Public Library by Gina Sheridan

160 pp.

Do I even need to write a summary for this one? We've all lived this. Pick it up whenever you've had a bad day at work.

I Shouldn't Even be Doing This: and Other Things that Strick Me as Funny

I Shouldn’t Even be Doing This: and Other Things that Strick Me as Funny

By Bob Newhart

239 pages

Funny guy, Bob Newhart, has written a funny book. He tells about his life with a wonderful sense of humor. He describes being a Chicago native. He originally attended college to be a lawyer, but became an accountant.  How he made a comedy album in the 1960s. He also had a movie career before and after this two hit series, the Bob Newhart Show and Newhart.  The publication is also available on audio, I enjoyed hearing Bob stammer though several of his night club acts. He is a funny guy.

That is NOT a good Idea, by Mo Willems

 That is NOT a Good Idea, by Mo Willems, 48 pages

Another cute Mo Willems story, where you will not see the ending coming!  He is king of the plot twist in children's books.

MSCHMITT--- Max and Milo the Mixed up Message by Heather and Ethan Long 29

MSCHMITT--- Max and Milo the Mixed up Message by Heather and Ethan Long 29

Max and Milo are at it again! Milo interrupts Max as he is writing a letter- he pesters Max until he discovers he is writing it to Molly, the Molly Green. Milo quickly informs Max that he cannot simply write her a note he must do something extraodinary like bake her a cake or build her a roller coaster! Overwhelmed Max gives up and throws away his latest attempt with the others in the trash. Milo refuses to let him give up, he fishes through the garbage and pastes together the perfect yet wacky message for Molly Green from Max!

MSCHMITT--- Captain Abdul's Little Treasure, Colin McNaughton, 48

MSCHMITT--- Captain Abdul's Little Treasure, Colin McNaughton, 48

Pirate mommies are fed up and they head out on the high seas leaving the baby with his pirate captain daddy and his mateys.

MSCHMITT-- Aliens Love Underpants, Claire Freedman & Ben Cort, 32

MSCHMITT-- Aliens Love Underpants, Claire Freedman & Ben Cort, 32

Find out the origins of your underwear, with this crazy story. Aliens come down to have a hay day with your undergarments.

MSCHMITT-- Down to the Sea with Mr Magee, Chris van Dusen, 36

MSCHMITT-- Down to the Sea with Mr Magee, Chris van Dusen, 36

Mr Magee and his dog take a trip to the beach, but everything seems to go wrong! Funny book.

MSCHMITT-- How do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? by Jane Yolen, 40 pages

How do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? by Jane Yolen, 40 pages

***POSTED FOR MOLLY SCHMITT***

These books are always fun- when you take your dinosaur to the doctor, it will be anything but routine!  A sure hit for kids.

The Heist by Janet Evanovich and Lee Goldberg

The Heist by Janet Evanovich and Lee Goldberg, 304 pages

The Heist was a much better read than Janet's last book, The Husband List.  This paves the way for possibly a new series after the Stephanie Plum franchise has been exhausted.  The Heist introduces us to a new female heroine, Kate O'Hare.  Kate is forced to be paired with con artist, Nick Fox.  Their mission is to catch a bigger con artist, Derek Griffin who scammed billions from his clients.  What follows is a fun adventure with Kate, Nick, and a cast of extras off to Indonesia.  Throw in some pirates and Kate's Dad (who can be compared to Stephanie Plum's Grandma Mazur), and you got a fun, light read.  This is great for summer!

Everything on It, by Shel Silverstein

Everything on It, by Shel Silverstein, 194 pages

As a child, I cannot remember for the life of me going to the library and not checking out a book by Shel Silverstein.  So when I discovered that he had written a newish one, I could hardly pass it up, even if that newish one came out in 2011.  Everything on It is just how I remember Silverstein's writing to be and more.  When I was a child, I enjoyed the poems and the drawings, but only at face value.  As a technical adult, I still enjoy the poetry and drawing for the face value, but I can see kinda into the deeper meaning of them, which may mean that my high school English teachers were right about deeper meaning in poetry, but I'll never let them know it. 

The Willoughbys by Lois Lowry

The Willoughbys by Louis Lowry, 174 pages

What an absolutely hilarious tale of four children, one orphaned baby, a nanny, a benefactor and two horrible parents! I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story and highly recommend it for kids. At the end of the story, Louis Lowry includes dictionary definitions of the larger words she used. She also gives a short summary of the classics she mentions throughout the story like The Secret Garden, Toby Tyler and Little Women. The story begins with a description of the four Willoughby children and their horrible parents. The parents decide they wish to be rid of their children so hire a nanny and take a long vacation (a dangerous one, in fact, inspired by their children). While away they attempt to sell the house and render their children homeless. A second storyline involves a billionaire candy maker who lost his wife and son in an avalanche. When the Willoughbys find a baby on their porch, they deliver it to the billionaire's doorstep who then takes the child in and raises her as his own. This, of course, changes his whole life for the better.